Da Minorz

I got a tryout for the Minor Leagues this weekend. Major A League. So it goes...

Nicaraguan Leagues - American Leagues

1) Major A = "A"

2)Segundo Division = "AA"

3) Primera Division = "AAA"

4) LNBP = MLB

Of course, these are proportional equations. I'm hitting the strike zone so hard. Confidence building. Ready to tryout.

The taxi drivers and transport employees are on a huge strike. Transportation has slowed to a halt. The reason: ridiculously high gas prices. No one can afford them here. Daniel Ortega was on TV last night spitting communist propaganda. His devil witch wife was next to him. She's like Lady MacBeth. She even LOOKS like it.

Last week the girls volleyball team from Florida Atlantic University came to San Juan to play against the Nicaraguan National Girls Team. The Nicas destroyed them in 3 straight sets. It was awesome, everyone went to the game. It was packed and as usual they were blasting pop music the whole time.

Life is so good.

I'll update more frequently.

Acapulco or Bust.

Straight Cash Homey

The San Juan girls soccer team had a game against Cardena today...Cardena dominated, 3-0. Meanwhile I was on the mound pitching tough. The Cardena boys came over and we exchanged info...they're interested in talking to me about joining their team. In addition, I met a guy today, Ruddy Martinez, who offered to give me a legit tryout with a team here in San Juan. I'm feeling good. Plus they invited me to the huge cockfight between the champion roosters of Costa Rica vs. the champions of Nicaragua on May 3rd. I'll be there betting up a storm. Won today on FOUR BIG BETS...


TORONTO BLUE JAYS over Kansas City Royals
NEW YORK YANKEES over Cleveland Indians
PITTSBURGH PIRATES over Philadelphia Phillies
TEXAS RANGERS over Minnesota Twins.

Life is good...

Que dice, que dice nada...

Been thinking about hitting the road with some narcotraffickers. Need some serendipity...must acquire some savvy business associates. A gun, a drum, and a bodega, bodega, bodega.

Padres earned me clams tonight...thanks to Tadahito Iguchi´s walk off home run in the 13th. Lucky number 13...I´m learning baseball´s more a business than a sport. Feelin sleazy, stayin skeezy.

Mound was wet...threw at the backstop. All about fearlessness. Incorporating the spirit of Ohrmazd into my game.

Happy times today...like always. Feelin like I need to hit the road with a Subaru. I´m so degenerate I´m going to pay for my car with gambling money.

If it smells good, eat it.

TODAY´s Picks:

DETROIT TIGERS over Los Angeles Angels
SAN DIEGO PADRES over Arizona Diamondbacks
MILWAUKEE BREWERS over Florida Marlins
TORONTO BLUE JAYS over Kansas City Royals

Rebollo, Tomate, Melon

There are a few hilarious daily occurrences here in San Juan.

First of all, they love attaching loudspeakers to their cars here. There is this one truck that consistently plays a sample from "Eye of the Tiger", you know the part where the guy goes "Eyyyeeeee of the Tiiiiggeeeerrr", and it's intermixed with some random, bass Spanish voice advertising something. I'm fluent...but it's so muddled by the shitty loudspeaker I can't understand it. That shit is so hilarious...the truck drives all around the city, every day, without fail, blasting Eye of the Tiger.

In addition, there's another guy who fancies himself an announcer who drives a fruit truck everywhere yelling "rebollo, tomate, zanahoria, rebollo, rebollo..." I hear it every day when I'm on the mound. These cars are induce fits of laughter.

My friend Aaron from Austin told me this crazy story about some guy whose wife got kidnapped. The guy received phone calls where he could hear his wife getting beaten and raped over the phone. No one knows what happened to her. Freaky.

Today I had a GREAT practice. Hitting my spots. I really believe in myself. One day I will make the pros here in Nicaragua, though it might take a while. Anyway, I'm going to the pro tryouts in September.

I'd really love it if one of my friends came to visit. It's so wonderful here...everyone has a great time, but this place is still undiscovered. Come quick, before the roads are finished...cuz then this place will be swarming with turischten.

I really need to find this 7th Board Member for the CBF. Really bad. It's tough...and I'm so close. I must seal the deal.

Today's picks:

TEXAS RANGERS over Minnesota Twins (GO RANGERS!)
DETROIT TIGERS over Los Angeles Angels
PITTSBURGH PIRATES over Philadelphia Phillies
SAN DIEGO PADRES over Arizona Diamondbacks
CHICAGO CUBS over Washington Nationals.

Cheers.

-Darius

My New Family and Gender Politics

Saludos Amigos-

I am having an amazing time right now. I live with Andrew, a young Ohioan transplant who married Raquel, a Rubanesque Managua native. Raquel has a 2 year old baby named Joao from a different father. Andrew has taken him in as part of the family. Andrew and Raquel got married a week ago, and they're in nuptial bliss. Andrew's a chiropractor, really laid back, Raquel's a masseuse, round, warm, good mama. Joao is a little charmer. I love my home. Brenda is the charming girl who comes to clean, and Roberto is Raquel's layabout brother.

Today I practiced really well. I'm feeling a lot more comfortable on the mound. Lorenzo gave me some coaching tips.

I'm at Big Wave Dave's now and I learned some really fucked up shit. Dave has essentially imprisoned his spouse, Ana, and her two sisters, Gregoria and Patricia. They can't leave the bar, no matter what. After work, they sleep in the back. What a fucked up situation. Anyway, I've learned that women really are treated as inferiors in Nicaragua. Nica fathers are notorious deadbeats...many of them knock up girls and then ditch the family to get drunk in the street. There are a lot of single mothers here. But then again, family comes first, so there is a strong support system from the families of these women.

They say that the thing that brings you back to Nicaragua is the people. I couldn't agree more. I love the Nica people so much. Especially in San Juan del Sur. They are so bright, friendly, and open.

Today's picks:

ATLANTA BRAVES over the Florida Marlins
TORONTO BLUE JAYS over Tampa Bay Rays
COLORADO ROCKIES over Chicago Cubs

Cheers,

Darius

Jesus Christ Rockies Please Win

Oh my god I have so much fucking money on the Rockies, at first they were losing 3-0, they came back and were leading 5-3, then 5-4 til the top of the ninth, then the Cubs scored 2 to make it 6-5, and with TWO OUTS in the BOTTOM OF THE NINTH, PINCH HITTER Scott Podsednik hits a single, then Ryan Spilborghs TRIPLES to TIE the game...going into extras. Lord. I hope the Rockies win tonight.

An Encounter at a Nicaraguan Cathouse

Saludos Amigos-

Last night I went out with my friends Eduardo and Carlos to a sketchy brothel called El Flotante. There are zero foreigners at El Flotante, because first of all, it is located on the outskirts of San Juan, and second of all, most foreigners would be terrified of the place. You must go with locals or you risk getting robbed in these parts of town.

Anyway, Eduardo is a good friend of mine, and a true Geminian. Very fashionable, witty, and kinda effeminate. Carlos is the local drunk. He's missing a few teeth, and every time I see him he's totally tanked. But he's an awesome guy, always smiling, and whenever I see him, he says "Borrrracho."

We walked out of San Juan into el barrio, and then we stopped at this strange white gate where there were two men and one woman standing guard at the door. They looked at us suspiciously but allowed us to enter. I walked in to what I thought was a regular bar, and a cool one at that. El Flotante is literally floating upon the local river, so you walk onto a veranda and you can look out at this murky river. It's actually quite beautiful.

At first everyone was staring at me, since I'm a gringo who obviously shouldn't be there, but since Nicas are so goddam friendly, it only took a little while for them to settle down. There were a few women sitting by themselves at a table, and mainly a bunch of men. The women were pretty fat and nasty.

One of the whores, Maria, approached Eduardo and I and sat next to us. She was charming enough, and was making casual conversation with us, but I could tell she was soliciting me for her services. She had big tits and a huge ass, but her face was wrecked. I felt bad for her, since I've been smashed in the face before and it isn't fun.

Carlos went into one of the bedrooms with some real filthy hen of a whore. We sat there talking to Maria and she pressed on and on, but finally we gave her the message and she went back to sit with the other fat dirty hens.

The mistress of the place kept going to the bedrooms, knocking, and yelling "Media hora!" to let the illicit couple know that their time had expired. I kicked back, and then I heard someone call my name.

"Dario!"

I looked back and saw El Vaquero, the Cowboy who was at my first baseball game. He had given me nasty stares at the game, so I thought he was trying to start something, but I was totally wrong. Instead, he started encouraging me about baseball, and we got to talking. I learned his name is Lionel, and he told me he suffered a horrible motorcycle accident a few years ago. He regaled me with stories of his pitching glory before the accident. I encouraged him that he could still be a manager, and I think that lifted his spirits.

Anyway, we talked for awhile, and then we left. I actually had a lot of fun at El Flotante, even though I didn't partake in the local pussy. We might go back on Friday for a big party there.

Today I had a tough practice. I started off with zero control...just throwing ball after ball. I adjusted my initial focus, however, and I started to gain control. I forced myself to throw a simulated game, which is really good for training.

Anyways, now I'm working...and betting. I've decided to post my daily baseball bets on my blog. Not to brag, but I've made about 600 dollars on MLB betting since I arrived here.

Today's picks are:

CINCINNATI REDS over Houston Astros
COLORADO ROCKIES over Chicago Cubs
NEW YORK METS over Washington Nationals.

See ya'll tomorrow.

-Darius

Attack and Focus Afterwards

I had a great practice day today. I went to the field and I pounded the strike zone hard. I have made one mental adjustment. I am performing the following steps.

1. Upon motion, focus on target.
2. Place glove on target.
3. Attack target
4. Focus on target

The fourth step actually occurs during my release point, as well as after my release point. It's a way of tricking myself into avoiding the trap of overthinking.

I got kicked out of my apt. because some foreign lady wants to rent the whole thing out, so my landlady gently told me I had to move out by Friday. I was renting one room in a 3 bedroom apt, and the other two were empty. So I understand...she needs to make money. They reimbursed me and I found an even better place two houses down. I'm sharing an apt with a couple and a small massage parlor. The husband is American and his wife is Nica. They are buena gente and I have a much nicer room. My new place is actually a lot classier than my old one.

Now I'm at Big Wave Dave's working. Big Wave Dave is this sleazy Canadian expat with a mullet who married a Nica and has a bar down here. Man is he sleazy. He's consistently blasting classic rock, which is awesome, and he offers free wireless internet. He wears Hawaiian shirts. Did I mention he has a huge mullet? Business in the front, party in the back. Last night this washed up raunchy Southern guy named Jimbo came into the bar and "hired" me as his "technician." He gave me some Jimbo bucks for his bar at Playa Cocos in Costa Rica. When I do my passport run I'll spend my Jimbo bucks, I guess. Since my job is online, I'm here quite a bit. Will keep you posted.

Cheers,

-D

My First Outing---A Total Nightmare

Welcome, everyone, to my baseball adventures in Nicaragua. Its my intention to consistently post blogs and videos about my baseball experience here in Nicaragua.

I live in San Juan del Sur, Nicaragua, a sleepy beach town on the Pacific Ocean. I believe I have found paradise. San Juan is gorgeous, and the people of San Juan have welcomed me with open arms (well, most of them.) They are so friendly and nice.

Every day, I take a cab to the Estadio Miguel Arana de Melendez to hone my pitching technique. It costs 20 cordobas, which is equal to one dollar. As some of you know, I am a submarine pitcher, which means I deliver the ball with an underhanded motion. This is a specialized form of pitching that deceives same-side batters (as I am right-handed, right-handed batters have a hard time seeing my pitches.) There are a few professionals who are true submariners, but not many. Check out Chad Bradford of the Baltimore Orioles, or Shunsuke Watanabe of the Chiba Lotte Marines to see examples of professional submariners.

When I get to the stadium, I set up my pitching target, which is a torn up, discarded piece of metal roofing on which I have spray painted a strike zone. I pour my baseballs onto the mound and fill my bucket with pieces of wood. Then I lean the target upon the bucket. Then, I jog around the bases 5 times, and do some stretching. After that, I throw about 100 pitches.

I have become friends with Lorenzo and Johnny, who are the two groundskeepers. Both of them have gold capped teeth. Lorenzo is a rustic, friendly fellow who walks and talks slowly. Once I get a camera I'll post pictures. Johnny is a punked out looking Nica, really short, and with a chip on his shoulder. At first, he didn't like me at all, but he has grown accustomed to my presence. Today he gave me a strange piece of fruit.

Originally, I had broken down my mechanics into three steps:

1. Focus on the target.
2. As I begin motion, place glove on the target.
3. Focus on the target and release the ball.

I thought this worked, but it turned out I was right about the first two steps, but wrong about the final step. I learned this after pitching in my first Nicaraguan baseball game.

On Sunday, I arrived at El Campo del Valle for my first game. Unlike the stadium, El Campo del Valle is a wasted, trashed out, filthy field with no backstop. It is located in the poorest outskirts of San Juan. I was scheduled to tryout for Los Veteranos del San Juan, who were playing against Mari Valle.

I have never encountered more hostility in my entire life. Almost everyone who attended the game gave me clear signals that they didn't like me and didn't want me there. I heard a lot of joking and laughing about my delivery. In addition, the manager didn't even want to put me in the game. Finally, in the last inning, with Los Veteranos leading 12-3, he put me in.

I was really nervous as I began my warmup. I threw well, and in my warmup I threw one wild pitch, and I heard the crowd go wild, heckling me. I tried to stay calm and shrug it off. The first batter stepped up to the plate. I threw two balls, outside. The umpire looked like a satanic monkey. Then I threw a beautiful strike, straight down the plate. From behind me, I heard the umpire yell, "MALA!" I looked at the umpire and said "No...fue buena!" That retarded monkey stared at me and smiled. I threw another strike. "MALA!" I couldn't believe my ears. Two strikes and he called them both balls.

The batter went to first base. I prepared to pitch to the second batter, but I knew that the runner was going to steal, so I disengaged from the rubber and went to throw to first base. I turned at just the right time, cuz the runner was taking off. However, my team was just standing around, completely unsupportive. The runner skipped to second and everyone howled with laughter.

My nerves started to shake. It seemed like no matter what I did, they wanted me to fail. Again, I turned to pickoff the runner at second, but my teammates just languidly looked at me as the runner ran to third.

I walked the second batter on four legitimate balls. The manager took me out of the game. It was the most humiliating experience of my life, but also, one of the most educational. I remember on my last day in New York, I had a dream that I was pitching well, but my team was making a bunch of errors. I think I had a premonition about this game.

I left the game dejected and depressed. However, my spirits quickly lifted after a nap.

Today, I went back to the stadium and I realized one major thing I did wrong. My third step shouldn't be "Focus". It should be "Attack." In other words, my new formula is

1 and 2, the same
3. Attack the target while looking at target (different than focusing).

I was able to throw much harder, and I feel more dominant on the mound. I also met a few guys who are interested in giving me a shot on their teams. William and Juan who play for Marsella Beach in the Nicaraguan Major A League have been watching me practice, and they approached me and asked me if I would be interested in playing. I think I am going to go after the Marsella team and win a spot with them. Also, I met Luis Cargamo and Allan, who are two classy guys who might be putting together a team.

I practice every single day for 2-3 hours. I feel like I am getting better, slowly but surely. I am so excited to get on the mound for my next game, though that won't be for a while. Meanwhile, I am working hard at my practice.

Thanks for reading, and I'll keep you posted a lot.

-Darius